What was I thinking?

I tried as hard as I could to think of more karaoke songs that I would have been better off not singing, but I could not come up with more than three.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I’m not a big risk taker in general, and that same approach applies to my karaoke song selections.  Generally I choose the safe ones that I know will sound decent, but every now and then, I venture out on a limb and try something a little bit different.  I mean, you can only hear so many ballads and Neil Diamond songs in a night!  So, here are the top three karaoke songs that didn’t quite work out for me.

3.  “Faith” by George Michael.  Yes, this song is on my top ten list of karaoke songs that I like to sing, but I do have a bad memory of the one and only time I performed it.  95% of the song was fine, but there are a couple parts that are a little high for my vocal range.  My voice was getting a little fatigued by the end of the song, and my voice totally flipped on the lyrics “…reconsider my foolish notion.”  You would have thought someone sat on a bird.  It was pretty bad.

2.  “She Drives me Crazy” by Fine Young Cannibals.  For some reason, I thought that singing a song in my falsetto was a good idea.  It definitely sounded a lot better in the car when I came up with the idea.  It wasn’t the worst performance of the night, but it was definitely below the standards I’ve set for myself.  I need to remind myself that karaoke and falsetto don’t mix, because I’ve given some serious thought to singing “Unchained Melody” by the Righteous Brothers, and Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You.”  I’m pretty sure if I ever sing those two, they’ll be prime candidates for this list.

1.  “Chocolate Salty Balls” by Chef*.  Fans of “Southpark” will be familiar with this tune.  It sits firmly at the top of my list of karaoke mistakes, and will probably never be de-throned.  Chef is voiced by the legendary Isaac Hayes, who has a very deep and soulful voice.  Actually, I can do a decent impression of his voice, and that’s why I thought singing this song would be a good idea.  So I get up there and start singing the risque lyrics of this song.  Suddenly it hit me that I really only know the first verse of this song!  (Lesson learned: make sure you know the whole song.)  I did my best to ad lib my way through the rest of the song, but I also forgot about how much worse the lyrics get as the song goes on.  (Lesson learned: make sure you know the whole song and especially all the lyrics.)  People stopped their conversations, and every eye in the room was on me.  Most of the people at this karaoke bar were middle-aged folks who had obviously never heard this song before.  Many of them were getting a good chuckle from the lyrics, but a few people had to pick their jaws up off the floor.  (Lesson learned: know your audience.)  I was thoroughly embarrassed, and so was Holly.  As soon as the song was over, I grabbed my coat and we headed right out the door.  Had Randy Jackson been in the room, I think he would have said, “Dog, what the heck were you thinking?” 

* The karaoke bar we were at is in a Holiday Inn.  They pipe the music from the karaoke bar into the dining room as well.  For that reason, I was not allowed to sing this song until 11PM, which is when the dining room closed.  However, the DJ decided to let me sing at 10:30.  Upon hearing my song, people from the dining room gathered in the doorway of the bar to see the idiot who was singing this crazy song.  I’ve never been so embarrassed.